Nothing lasts anymore?


There are some men who think they can walk in and out of my world at their convenience. They are otherwise wonderful(?), but seem to be stuck in vicious cycles of showing up and vanishing at odd times in my life for various reasons. As a result, I've got a handful of half-relationships with these people -- some of which are chapters from my past that never fully ended while others are romances that haven't completely started... im starting to think that im the one to blame... I dunno... we start real cool but at some point my interest just fades... then nawawalan me ng time... then nawawala na sila... what hurts more is when nawawala sila bcoz nakahanap sila ng mas worthy ng time nila. I know na-take for granted ko sila... pero kasalanan ko ba talaga??

in half a year I can hardly keep track of the number of guys I dated... let’s just say 10, to keep things simple. And they were all nice... in their own way... but I couldn’t find it in me to fall for anyone... even ten halves wouldn't make a whole. Why? I have no idea... Nagiging manhid na bko...? I guess not ... kasi bakit nasasaktan ako ngaun... kahit hindi ganon ka-strong ung feelings ko for them... I know deep inside me I felt something special. love?? maybe... but not the kind of love they want... but still it pains me... coz they’ve become a part of my life. Ugh. I hate myself for becoming attached to people too quick... mahirap talaga ang nangiiwan at iniiwanan... lahat ng nakasanayan ko, wala na...
lahat ng dapat para sakin, sa iba na... :(

i hope this depression thing wears off soon. i cannot stand it. i really cant.
and this dial-up is not helping at all...

BLAME the drama on the time of the month.

I'm feeling really lonely. Really. lonely.


*******
Maybe someday, I will find that love.

I want that LOVE.

When you lose a part of your self
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breath that you remember
Pictures fade away but memory's forever
-nfg sorry