I l0ve the industry I am a part 0f. I get t0 meet the m0st interesting pe0ple, g0 t0 nice places, get t0 see new things c0nstantly - it's a great adventure. S0metimes th0ugh, the exp0sure has its setbacks. I l0ng f0r th0se days when I easily g0t excited. I remember th0se days when I was a shrieking N’Sync fan (I was teen, 0kay?) 0r when I w0rshipped Britney and Destiny’s Child. I haven't felt that kind 0f exhilarati0n in the l0ngest time. I am c0nstantly n0nchalant. Everything is, "0h, yeah. Whatever." N0w it takes t00 much t0 impress me. I find that ann0ying. "Jaded" is my friend’s term f0r it. Pe0ple ar0und me w0uld be saying, "W0w! That's so cool an experience" and I'd shrug it 0ff. Damn. S0metimes I wish I were a kid again. Then I'd get all excited at the pr0spect 0f Happy Meals and a fantastic day w0uld be g0ing t0 the m0vies and getting t0 eat all the ice cream I want. And s0me guy's ph0ne call is all it w0uld take t0 bring me t0 heaven. But that's n0t me anym0re. I feel sick.


***


JADED. Jaded. D0 pe0ple in the p0rn0graphy industry get jaded ab0ut sex?



***



I feel needy. Wanting. Ugh. I feel pathetic.